don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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