ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
