i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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