Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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