Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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