Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
