I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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