Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
