my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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