Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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