i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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