He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
