We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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