Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
