What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
