She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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