I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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