I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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