What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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