Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
