I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
