just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Im part way to drunk.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
