some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
