your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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