I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
