cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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