On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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