I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
