You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
