I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You need Xanax blowdarts
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
