we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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