I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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