it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
