You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
where are you?
Hypothermia
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
