I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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