Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
