When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
