There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
