My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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