im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
