I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
