so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
