Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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