Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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