9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
