My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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