He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
