***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
