Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
