so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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