Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
