i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
