I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
