Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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