the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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