She is in my trunk
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
